How can I support my children through divorce or separation?

Going through a separation or divorce can often be a period of conflict and emotional difficulty. When children are involved, parents naturally worry about the impact of this on their children and how they can mitigate any negative effects on them.

Like adults, children react to things differently. Furthermore, the age of your children will likely affect their response, ways of coping, and how information concerning should be conveyed to them. Therefore, there is not one perfect, step-by-step method when guiding your children through the changes following your divorce. However, there are general things that you can keep in mind to help make the process as smooth as possible.

First and foremost, it is important that your child feels listened to. Reassure them that they can talk about their feelings freely, and that you will not be upset or annoyed if they do. Keep in mind that your children’s feelings may be different to your own, particularly in relation to your former partner, and that they may internalise their feelings.

We recommend that parents remind their children that they continue to be the top priority, that they are loved by both parents, and that their separation or divorce does not affect that.

Try to avoid speaking negatively about your former partner – doing so can make your children feel as if they are stuck in the middle, and result in feelings of sadness, anger or resentment. If possible, it is ideal if you can build a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex. This may be difficult but aiming to limit any hostility or animosity will benefit your children. Of course, if you have concerns about the safety and well-being of your child in your former partner’s care, then these should be raised.

Children may benefit from professional support. A therapist can provide a neutral space for your child to explore their feelings regarding your divorce and help them find ways of coping. You may wish to opt for family therapy, attending with your children and former partner, or book one-on-one sessions for your children separately.